I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
