You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
