my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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