420 ftw
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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