Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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