Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
