I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
