Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
