new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
