all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
