Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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