please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
