Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
