I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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