erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
You smell like a Billy Joel song
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
