im about as happy as oj after his trial
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
