i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
