Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
