just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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