life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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