I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
