Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
