i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
