Ambien. No doubt about it.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
