Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
