no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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