yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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