SEEEEXXX PLEASE
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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