I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
