it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
