You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
