I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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