This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You ate ashes out of my bong
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
