i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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