he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
