Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
