So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Oh god it's open bar.
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