Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
