I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
