remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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