my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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