I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
