i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
