This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
