meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
