normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
