Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
