good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
