Ambien. No doubt about it.
it hurts more in the daytime
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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