I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
