Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
