then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I need to calm my uterus...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
