She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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