Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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