I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You were trust falling into bushes
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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