i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
