If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
