i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
