Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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