apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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