that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize